


letting go

by LadySilvertongue



Category: X-Men (Movies), X-Men: Apocalypse
Genre: Alternate Ending, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, M/M, X-Men: Apocalypse Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-10 05:42:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6942151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadySilvertongue/pseuds/LadySilvertongue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Charles reaches the end of his rope, he doesn't let himself fall, he ties a knot and holds on... and he also holds on to the ones he loves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	letting go

**Author's Note:**

> Ssssssssssssssssssssoooo - it's been on my tumblr a lot, that post that goes, "All I want to happen in X-Men: Apocalypse"... And it wouldn't leave my head, so I wrote myself a fic ~ XD yes, this is still me in my apocalypse-induced insanity. Also, thank you thank you THANK YOU to another author on here who goes by alphera (I don't know how that tagging thingy works here okay forgive my ignorance) for helping me~ people who read this, you go stalk her works - yeah? XD
> 
> Aaaaaaaaaaaaanyways - without further ado here ya go! Again, I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed imagining :)

 

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When he was younger, a lot of people had told Charles that he was pretentious and arrogant. He heard it plenty – whether it was his drunken mother, his abusive step-father and step-brother, his colleagues, or Raven at time. Even Erik had called call him out on it in the past, but after the whole fiasco in Washington, Charles thought he’d outgrown it.

On some level, perhaps he had – but he didn’t know if it was arrogance again or just blind desperation that fueled his belief that he was strong enough to defeat Apocalypse in his own mind.

“You’re in my house now.” He had said, letting his fists fly after letting the creature get a glimpse of all the despair he’d felt, and it had gone so well. He even had Apocalypse on his knees. That didn’t last long though. The man regained his bearings, caught one of his punches – and Charles swore he heard the smirk in the other’s voice when he taunted,

“You need a bigger house.”

Charles shuddered, glaring at the ancient being with contempt as he grew ever larger, and let out a groan when the mutant-god released his arm, falling back onto the floorboards with a pained cry. He was so easily picked up off of the floor and slammed against the pillar of the doorway, raised up in a high arch and then crushed against the floor, again and again like a bloody ragdoll. Dimly, Charles wondered if the psychic attacks were also being manifested on his physical body – Charles knew his mind could endure and recover, he wasn’t considered the most powerful telepath in the world for nothing, but his body was a different thing.

Suddenly, En Sabah Nur paused in his ruthless assault, and Charles moaned pitifully as he squinted up at the other. A scowl formed on Apocalypse’ inhuman features, and his voice was an angry growl as he spoke again.

“You betray me.”

Charles twisted at that, grimacing as he looked up at the mutant and felt the air wheeze into his protesting lungs. The man had a distant look in his eyes – he was probably speaking to someone on the physical world.

At that, the other’s words began to register in his addled mind… betray him – one of his horsemen had betrayed him. Charles felt a spark of hope. Erik. It had to be Erik. And sure enough, he heard the other’s voice reverberate through the empty hallways,

“No. I betrayed them.”

At that, Apocalypse roared in indignant fury. Charles actually felt the mutant’s rage boiling inside his own head, leaking into his own thoughts and clouding them over before he felt the impact of being slammed against the walls again, this time pinned there with one of the man’s enormous hands.

The god’s iridescent eyes turned to him, burning despite their cool color, and he whispered, “Watch, Charles, as I lay waste to your merry band of **_weaklings!_** ”

All at once, his head was filled with the sight of Erik raising his palms, every bit of metal around them rising, heading straight towards En Sabah Nur and disintegrating into nothing before it could even reach a foot from where the powerful being stood.

Charles realized then that he was looking through En Sabah Nur’s eyes, and he heard his current host’s voice in the physical plane bellow,

“You think you can defeat me? That you can protect him? Keep him from me?! You forget who gave you the power that you wield now! You forget your own pathetic existence before I gave you strength! You forget, it was I that raised you! **_You forget, I am your GOD!_** ”

The vision swivelled to focus on Scott, who was aiming at the god with his optic blasts, only to be stopped by the same invisible force-field that kept Erik’s projectiles at bay. Charles watched as the young man was forcefully thrown back against a wall, the concrete reaching out and trapping him there. Charles watched as Hank, in a desperate attempt to attack the mutant-god, was swatted away like a mere fly. Horrified, he heard the voice in his head, preening at him,

“Feel my strength, Charles.”

“You will never win.”

“And why is that?”

“Because you are alone… **_and_** **_we are not._** ”

As Charles bit that out, Apocalypse turned back to look at Erik, who was still launching metal towards the god despite its futility, and Charles felt fear pour over him like a shower of ice, leaving every inch of him in cold dread. “Then I will kill them all.”

“Erik… Erik no – **_Erik! Get away!! Erik!!!_** ”

It didn’t matter how much he shouted, he was still powerless – immobile, unheard, and a mere spectator as En Sabah Nur turned to the metal beams that formed an x behind him, making one of them shudder and sharpen with his power before launching it straight at Erik.

“ ** _No!!!_** ” Charles screamed, the sound of metal grating against metal too loud in his ears as the pointed end of the enormous javelin pierced through the protective layer of alloys Erik had called up in defence – then silence.

Charles felt his breaths come in uneven pants. The javelin had gone through, but Erik had shielded, Erik was okay, it was just the damned helmet that was blocking him from his dear friend’s mind. It was in his denial that he felt the mutant-god’s satisfaction, and piece by piece Erik’s shield fell away, and Charles stared, horrified, at the sight behind it.

Erik – Erik was all but run through, a macabre image that shocked Charles into stillness, heart in his throat, breath still in his lungs, blood freezing. The man’s face was contorted in agony, his hands clutching at the metal pole that went right into his armour, just below the last rib. Blood was seeping through, dripping slowly, and when the rod was yanked away, the red gushed out freely.

Erik fell, and the image faded.

“It’s over, Charles. You’re finished. You’re mine now.”

The words barely registered. Charles stared mutely at En Sabah Nur, but he wasn't really seeing him.

He remembered the very first thing he had said to Erik twenty years back, even if the man hadn't heard him then, he had yelled, over and over –

_“Let go!!!”_

He remembered the first time they played chess together; Erik was rusty those first few games, using tactics that Charles could predict much too easily. Charles had also said those words then too –

_“Let go of all your learned strategies – if you know it, your opponent knows it better. You’re much too predictable.”_

He’s also said those words the first time they’d acted on their feelings,

_“Let go of your worries, Erik. I want this – I want **you.** ”_

Thinking back on it, Charles realized those words featured in many of their conversations, and that he kept saying them even after Cuba _(I need to let Raven go… I need to let Moira go…)_ , after Washington _(I need to let them go – let them find their own path),_ said it constantly to his students _(Let go of your fears. Embrace your powers.)_ – Consciously or not, it was his mantra when it came to many things –

_Let go_

_Let. Go._

**_LET. GO._ **

Charles was only dimly aware that he had screamed those two words from the top of his lungs. He was only dimly aware when he was thrown back into his physical body, tears streaming down his face, sitting upright with his hands tearing at the rug he was propped up on. He was only dimly aware that he had taken control of every mind close enough to inflict damage on the man that had harmed the one person Charles swore he would look after.

“You…” Charles hissed, and even though he was sitting inside the dilapidated building, he saw the mutant-god clear as day. Through Scott’s eyes, through Raven’s, Peter’s, Hank’s… everyone who had the smallest glimpse of him, Charles saw him through them, and he felt true wrath erupt deep inside him – a swirling, ugly mass of hate and anger that threatened to break his concentration in keeping his enemy still,

**_“YOU!!!”_** Charles bellowed, his voice split, fractured, thundering. The same words spoken by different voices across the people he controlled, **_“You sad, pathetic creature… you are nothing. I will turn you into NOTHING!”_** he erupted again, the fury tingeing everything in red – red like Erik’s blood had been,

**_“I will erase you...”_ **

Charles did not restrain himself as he reached deep inside the most powerful mutants under his control – Jean, Scott, and Ororo – and **_pulled_** , unleashing the hidden torrential powers in them and aiming them directly at the would-be god.

It didn't matter that he was still inside the other’s head – he had endured the feeling of death for Erik before – he’d endure it again. When the elements hit Apocalypse, Charles screamed but kept on unleashing the children’s power. He writhed in pain, but he did not stop – he couldn't. Not until every single trace of Apocalypse was obliterated.

Until he was gone.

Nothing.

Erased.

When Charles came to again, he was facing the ceiling, sweating profusely and shaking like a leaf. Without thought, he turned to Kurt and made the young man teleport him towards the edge of the building, then onto the ground where Erik lay bleeding. Only when he had Erik in his arms did he release his mental hold on the others, prying the helmet off of his friend’s head and delving into his mind – muddled, slow, and nothing like the bright, sharp brilliance it once was.

Everyone staggered back into awareness, Jean and Ororo jumping to their feet, the others springing back to attention, ready to fight at a moment’s notice. Charles paid them no heed though, bunching up the fabric of Erik’s cape and pressing it against the wound. So much blood… there was so much blood –

“Charles what the hell did you just – oh my god.” Raven’s voice faltered, “Hank!!”

Suddenly there were more people crowding around him, more hands trying to staunch the bleeding, and Charles almost snapped again until he felt Raven’s arms wrapping around his neck, sobbing, “Oh god… oh god, Charles, oh god – ”

Charles didn't know how to comfort her.

His useless legs were in an awkward sprawl in front of him, Erik lying half on them with his head pillowed in the crook of Charles’ elbow as Hank and Moira took over putting pressure on the wound, Hank pressing ripped cloth from the back while Moira did the same on the front, but it was hard to tell if the bleeding had stopped or not –

“I’m sorry, my friend. I’m sorry. It will be okay. I’ll work everything out – I promise – everything will be alright, don’t leave me. **_Don’t leave me!_** ” Charles begged, making the mistake of cupping the man’s face with his bloodied hand, staining his cheek with crimson that was a stark contrast to his pale face. “Erik, don’t leave me again. Please. We’ve won.”

Charles felt his voice break, felt he felt the sadness of the people around him, but it could not compare to the feeling of his own grief that was threatening to consume him.

“Erik, please… please… god – please, we’ve won – open your eyes.  I let you go twice, I’ve lost you twice! **_I will not lose you again! I love you, you bastard!_** ” His tears were running rivers, but his eyes weren’t the only ones that were weeping.

The corners of Erik’s own closed lids had tears in them, and Charles stared when he finally noticed the dampness that was collecting there. He gasped when jumbled thoughts began to take form in his head,

_Charles… I hear Charles. He needs me. I need to keep him safe._

_But it hurts. Mama, it’s so painful. I can’t breathe, Mama!_

_Charles is crying. Is Charles hurt too? Does he feel this?_

_I did it again. I hurt him again. Hurt all of them._

_Did it hurt like this too, Nina? I’m sorry – I’m so, so sorry. Papa is so sorry._

_They’re dead. They’re all dead. Was it my fault again?_

_It hurts… it hurts so much. It should have been me._

_He still loves me._

**_“Erik!”_** Charles whispered, sucking in a hopeful breath, “Erik, darling… my darling. Open your eyes. Come back to me.”

At his whispered plea, Erik’s eyes fluttered, opening to small slits, unseeing, until they began to widen – then closed them again in pain as he struggled weakly.

Charles immediately sent a soothing touch into his mind, blocking out most of the pain, numbing it to the best of his ability where he couldn’t, “Ssh, ssh, my friend. You’re safe. You’re going to be okay.” Charles whispered, knowing how how critical Erik’s condition still was – how precariously close to death.

The man slumped heavily against him, his breathing thin and laboured, his eyes threatening to close, but Charles kept him awake, shaking him slightly, “Hey. Don’t close your eyes. Stay with us, Erik.”

At that, Erik smiled, a mere shadow of his true one, “You did it.”

“Stop talking.” Raven scolded, running her hands through Erik’s hair gently, and Hank also butted in, only the smallest traces of bitterness and anger lingering in his thoughts, “She’s right. You need to save your breath, Lehnsherr. Stay awake.”

“I can’t… I…”

Charles leaned down and pressed their lips together, not caring in the slightest about the coppery taste of blood in the other man’s mouth, the metallic tang of it with every inhale, “Listen to them, Erik.” He murmured, then kissed the corner of Erik’s lips, then his cheek, then his temple.

“I’m not letting you go again, do you hear me? I love you. I love you, Erik, do you understand? Promise me you won’t leave again. Promise me you’ll stay.”

 

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Erik took as deep a breath as he could as Charles’ grip tightened around him. He could taste blood at the back of his throat, and his vision began swimming out of focus.

“Promise me, Erik.”

“I promise.”

Erik felt another warm kiss on his brow, and then on his lips.

Comforted, Erik closed his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay it's done :'D I leave Erik's fate to you hahaha! I was going to write two endings, one where he dies(hurhurr) and one where he lives and wakes up and smoochey smoochey in the infirmary at the x-mansion, but then I kinda went... "meh. my head hurts. and it's 5am i need sleep." .... so... I'm so sorry - forgive me. As always, my offer stands, anyone who wants to spaz about cherik is welcome to message me at my tumblr :) (ladylehnsherr) Thanks again for reading and dropping a kudos or a comment or whatever~ :'D
> 
> Also - remember to read some of alphera's works! XD I insist. XD XD XD


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